Wednesday, March 11, 2009
at this time tml. i will be in army. How time flies pass by. im going to be a man soon le. Yeah... wow... lol.
Everyone take care ^-^
dreamt at 11:22 PM
My Not So Secret Lives Ending
i wonder if C knows what he's gonna do....i laid on my bed, unable to fall asleep. Everytime i close my eyes, the image of jess, her helpless, worried and downcasted face can break my heart. I now realise the meaning of "heartache". The same similar overpowering feeling to protect her, to held her close to me is once again taking over me. I wanted to hug her tight once again, to tell her everything is gonna be alright. i instinctively reached over for my phone, and played with the idea of messaging jess.
'Its quite late', i realised.. 'but then jess wun be asleep so fast too. Not with whatever fears and worriness troubling her heart... ' i thought to myself.
" Jess, its me. just wanted to let u know.. i will always be here for you. And i'm always in love with you. Everything's gonna be alright. " i wrote. Closing my eyes, hoping to drift off to sleep. my phone vibrate. My eyes flutter open.
" I know. thank you.. for being there for me. I miss you. " it was from jess ! I smiled a little, knowing that deep down in both of our hearts, we are connected. That thought pleased me.
" Not so much as i would miss you right now. Sleep tight, my jess. Dreams Happpy Dreams. Until the day of reckoning comes.. i will be right here where u wanted me to be. Always, for sure. " my hands typed swiflty back. and for once, my fingers curled around the phone and laid it gently on my chest... hoping that the msg is her. Slowly.. my thoughts waltzed quietly into the night.
18th MarchThe next day and the following weeks.. jess and i have not managed to spend much "us" time together. Althought i can't say i blame her, but deep down, im aching for her to come back to my side. A simple dinner here, a hug there, a kiss right in the middle... its always making me desiring more. But whenever jess thinks about E, i know she is not happy at all. i can feel it.
Seriously, sometimes i don't feel pity for E, mainly its because i realised someone got to teach her to wake up from her fantasy of hers. Dun get me wrong, im not angry with her or anything.. in fact, i wouldn't wish what happen to her to happen to anyone, be it friend or enemy... i just thought, she needs to be shaken up and woken up from that fantasy world of hers, where in her that world of hers, there is no consequences or something. Sigh. Now i feel crappy. I cannot ignore or reject the feelings i have for jess any longer. so i guess whatever happens to E or C is my concern now. Especiall E. Hmmm... friendship by association.
All this while, E has been a nervous wreck. Day by day, as i see, she gets more fearful and more scared of the "D-day" coming. Well, who can blame her ? Jess has been spending more time with her as the "big day" looms closer. That gives me more time on the other hand... well, i tried to help as much as i can.. but really, when it comes to other people's problem, there's only so much i can do. i wish at times.. jess and i have only us and our music to keep us company. but that's not going to work like this.
25th MarchI search online for information concerning AIDs, hoping i could find whatever it is to help Jess and E.
And wow, what i found surprise me even... "
AIDS. Or Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, is a set of infections that attack your immune system, the system that fights diseases, it damages your immune system leaving the person infected with AIDS, vulnerable to infections and tumors. HIV has found a wealth of opportunities to thrive among tragic human conditions fueled by poverty, abuse, violence, prejudice and ignorance. Social and economic circumstances contribute to vulnerability to HIV infection and intensify its impact, while HIV/AIDS generates and amplifies the very conditions that enable the epidemic to thrive. Just as the virus depletes the human body of its natural defenses, it can also deplete families and communities of the assets and social structures necessary for successful prevention and provision of care and treatment for persons living with HIV/AIDS. This is demonstrated by the estimated 30 million people living with HIV/AIDS, mostly in developing countries. Over 2 million people are expected to die from HIV related illnesses this year adding to nearly 12 million deaths attributed so far to the epidemic. The impact of HIV/AIDS extends beyond those living with the virus, as each infection produces consequences which affect the lives of the family, friends and communities surrounding an infected person. The overall impact of the epidemic encompasses effects on the lives of multiples of the millions of people living with HIV/AIDS or of those who have died. "
Yes. thats right. AIDS CAN KILL ! so please whoever is out there jumping partners like rabbits. please do make sure u wear a condom. if not, the ones who are affected is not going to be just you. It's your friends, your family, your relatives.. just like what is going on right now. Dun let everyone suffer because of your pleasure for the moment !
oh another thing i found interesting...
"Gel prevents AIDS-like infection". Mmm.. interesting, maybe I should let Jess knows about this. Who knows, maybe it might just helps a little. At least.. she knows I'm doing all i can to smoothe her anxious heart. I hate to see her unhappy.
26th MarchC called ! Not really expecting his call. Since all the time, he has been missing. Seems to me, he wanted time alone to thin about it through. Of course, not replying my msg or E's call or Jess's too.
C told me, its been a struggle within of him. He cried, he tried, he visit the old places that E and him went to before, trying to remember happy times, trying to capture the feelings back again that make him wants to protect her. And now he's back. Wow ! i never realised this. That even if someone is strong, famous or ever so glamerous on the outside, deep within, there will always be a need for that special someone. Whatever C told me today, affected me. I always thought to myself, lovers or couples declared their love ( just as i did weeks ago. )... " no matter what, i will love you.." ( or something like that)... i thought that if " no matter what " comes along.. what will the person who say that do ? what will the person who hears that do also ?
C just show me. Running away is never a option. The one who he love and the one who loves him will be in even more pain. Coming back to support E in whatever ways he can is already a big sacrifice for him. Knowing that when C knows what E has done, he can forgive and willing stand by her side in her darkest moment. It is to me.. the sign of love in the truest form. I salute C for that.
27th MarchFinally a date with jess alone ! Ever since C came back, E has been happier. Of course who wounldn't, knowing that the one u pine for the most has returned. Jess told me E is no longer a frail girl(that makes me amused for a little) but even she has the twinkle in her eyes once again(whenever she's with C), deep down, she is still scared. i sighed and truffled jess hair. She is always so caring and concerned about others. But i guess thats just one of her million attractive points about her. I held her close that night, it seems so long since i last smelt her warm scent.
30th MarchIts here ! Jess is on the way to the clinic with E as i type this. She and I decided that it was best not to tag along since this is very personal to E.
so im waiting here with C in my house. we are both anxious.
In an hour's time. The phone is going to ring.
31st MarchSIMLES :D LAUGHTER :D HUGS :D JOYS :D
Biggest smile of the day-E
Biggest laughter of the day-C
Buggest hug of the day- C and E
Biggest joy of the day- All of us.
Biggest News of the day- E IS Clean !!
it was a relief. It was joyful. It was everything that everyone hoped for. the happy ending. C and E were EstatiC. Jess and I were shouTing for Joy. The whole hospital was looking at us. as if we won the lottery or something, but we cant contain our joy. From the time they went in, scared and nervous, until they came out and call us, voice choking with emotion, it has been a roller-coaster ride for everyone, Especially E and C. But right now, everyone is happy. haha. its been so long since i last saw jess smiling so happily. Tonight is our night out again.. i took out the guitar and played a song i wrote for her.. ever since E got the horrible news to the time we are here right now ..
In this quiet night,
I'm waiting for you,
Forgiving the past,
And dreaming of you.
Time passes by,
And memories fade,
But time can't erase,
The love that we made.
And the stars in the sky,
That i wish upon can't bring you back to my side,
Though you're not here with me,
I dream of the day we'll meet again.
Hold me close so deep in your heart,
I will find you no matter where i have to go,
And dream of you for you're always there,
Follow the stars,
that lead into the quiet night.
Lovely isnt it ? i wish that at this time, everyone is as happy as we are right now.
*Sealed with kiss.*
Get involved with Jesse and Trey today @ www.notsosecretlives.com
dreamt at 8:55 PM
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
i have spend the most wonderful night of my life again. Becos everytime u are with me, my stomach flutters.. my heart beats faster.. my eyes sparkle. i just wun know what am i supposed to do without u. I love you. and i know it the moment i see you. this feeling is smth i have been searching for.. the emptiness within my heart.. the powerful feeling that compels me to do everything i can to protect u . i wish i wish.. i have more time with u.
I miss you so much...
dreamt at 10:11 AM
